Random ramblings

Published by Kerry | Filed under Uncategorized

I don’t have the time or energy to devote to a thoughtful blog entry right now, so you’re getting a summary of the last few days using bullet points.

• I am super duper depressed right now, and have been for a couple of weeks.  I couldn’t figure out why until one of my good friends asked me when the “anniversary” of my cerclage surgery was.  It was last Thursday, January 7th – which ironically is the day I started feeling like total crap.  Turns out I had bronchitis and laryngitis (which were likely caused by an upper respiratory infection, which totally could have been what got Max and Wes sick since an URI basically equals RSV in infants).  Awesome (sarcasm).  Way to lift my spirits.
• This same friend (and I am SO thankful for her telling me this) has also warned me that the next few weeks are probably going to be difficult for me, as last year around this time I was scared out of my mind.  Scared we would lose our precious little boys, scared I would lose my life, scared I would deliver early, scared I would lose my job, etc.  Apparently it is “normal” to feel this way as a mom (or parent) of a premature baby (or babies) around the time when everything started going downhill.  Then again around the anniversary of the birth.  And the baby’s homecoming.  And so on.
• I am really starting to freak out about Max and Wes’s upcoming birthday.  I’m not ready for them to be a year old already.  I feel like the time has gone by too fast, and I didn’t cherish the little things like I should have.  I know that a lot of parents go through similar feelings when their little ones hit big milestones, so I don’t think I’m special, or anything.  It’s just that we aren’t doing this (having more babies) again, so I’ll never get to hear those first coos and squeaks, see that first smile, or watch another little miracle learn how to crawl, babble, feed themselves, etc. 

Ugh, reading over this just has me depressed even more.  There is soooo much more I (wish I) could write, but I just can’t.  Jeff and I have several pretty big decisions to make in the following days/weeks, and that is weighing on me too.

While I’m using bullet points, I should also point out a few awesome (sarcasm) things that have happened lately.  Just because I want to show Jeff that I’m not completely back to my old self (always seeing the glass half-empty, instead of half-full). 

• I was in a weight loss contest at work, and the 12 weeks just ended last Monday.  I won!  In more than one way.  I lost 17 pounds and dropped a jeans size (YAY!), *and* I won the $$$ that everyone put in the “pot” and treated myself to a wonderful 90 minute massage and a pedicure with one of my BFF’s on Saturday.  I am really super proud of myself, but I still have a ways to go before I get to my “goal weight”, which is about 10-13 pounds and a jeans size away.  I can do it, I know I can!
• We kicked off our first NICU support group meeting last Tuesday, and it was a success!  Fortunately, there aren’t many babies in the Swedish NICU right now, so we only had one couple show up to our meeting – but they really seemed to benefit from talking with us, seeing pictures of our little ones, and getting some reassurance that everything is going to be okay.  A big thanks to fellow NICU parent graduate, Meghan, who is going to be donating her time, along with Jeff and I, to help support current NICU parents during their child(ren)’s time in the hospital.
• Speaking of the support group, a HUGE thanks to our readers, friends, and family who have donated money to help these NICU families.  You have NO idea how touched Jeff and I were when we saw the generosity of those of you who have contributed, and we are excited to announce that your donations will come in handy very soon.  We will be purchasing gift cards to area restaurants, Starbucks, etc – for the families who have little ones in the NICU right now, and will be presenting them to the parents at our next support group meeting.  So thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!
• I also wanted to thank our next-door neighbor, Nancy, for coming over last night with fresh-out-of-the-oven chocolate chip cookies.  Even though I swore I wouldn’t have more than one, I’ve had two (and Jeff has had a LOT more than that), and holy cow – delicious.  Sweet, buttery, chocolatey goodness.  And they (and Nancy) came at the perfect time last night, so thank you Nancy.  =)

With that, I need to get to bed.  It’s looking to be another long night – the boys are having a hard time breathing, so they wake up crying (usually covered in snot, drool, phleghm in their little throats, etc) and need to be soothed back to sleep.  We usually CIO (cry it out), but not while they’re sick…our poor little guys just don’t “do” sick very well, as most kids don’t.  I did want to post a few photos I took of Wes earlier tonight (Max was NOT cooperating with the camera, or me tonight, LOL).  If it weren’t for the snotty nose and puffy, rosy cheeks in the pictures, you wouldn’t know he was sick - both Max and Wes are such amazing little guys.

Good night, blogworld.  Hasta luego…

Kerry