Perspective

Published by Kerry | Filed under Uncategorized

Jeff and I both worked from home today because of the ”big blizzard” (the Denver ‘burbs got anywhere from 16-24 inches of snow over the last 36 hours, or so).  Our nanny lives across town, and we didn’t want her to have to drive all the way over here if we were both going to be home – we figured we could handle taking turns watching Max and Wes. 

Those little stinkers! 

They were having a rough day after this morning, when they got the remainder of their (seasonal) flu vaccinations, and they were fussssssy.  Jeff and I were both completely drained and annoyed and just over it all by mid-afternoon.  After we put Max and Wes to bed, we joked about how much happier and relaxed we are after they are down for the night.  I have to admit that shortly after we were “joking” about that, I realized that it’s true, and then the guilt settled in.  Aaaaah, I was missing my old friend – after all, it had been around 10 hours since I last felt guilty over something related to our boys (don’t ask).

Add to that, the guilt I felt when I was actually annoyed when we heard Weston start crying as we were maybe 15 minutes into Grey’s Anatomy.  I huffed and puffed my way down the stairs, pushed open the nursery door, and found my way (in the dark) over to where I knew he would be laying in his crib.  I bent over, rolled him from his tummy to his back, and gently lifted him out of his crib.  The moment my back straightened up, he immediately stopped crying.

I looked down to see my son’s eyes slowly opening, and then blinking intensely, as if they were trying to look as deep into my eyes as humanly possible.  And he smiled.  He may not have intentionally smiled, but he smiled…and my heart turned into a pile of goo right then and there. 

And there it was.

Perspective.

I grabbed his paci and lovey out of his crib, and carried him back upstairs with me.  Already sleeping soundly in my arms, Wes started snoring the most adorable little snore you’ve ever heard.  So adorable, in fact, that I asked Jeff to grab the video camera so that I could record it (knowing that it was dark, and you wouldn’t be able to see anything, only hear it). 

When we were done watching Grey’s, Jeff went to delete it off our DVR, and I told him not to.  I’m going to have to go back to watch most of it, because I wasn’t paying attention.  I was focusing on the steady rhythm of Wes’s breathing – in and out, in and out, and the sweet sound of that little snore.  That quiet little snore that I’m sure will grow louder and louder as the years go on (and end up being just like his papa’s snore, which by the way I do not find “adorable”, LOL). 

I was reveling in the moment, thinking about how precious these kinds of moments really are, and I was not going to take this time for granted.  There were countless times in the not-so-distant past where I would have done just about anything to hear a child crying in our home – our child – and now we have two.  We are so blessed.  I know one day (in the not-so-distant future) I’ll wake up and wish that I could scoop our little boys into my arms and feel that all is right with the world.  I will not take this time for granted. 

Do Max and Wes test my patience sometimes?  Yes.

Do they make me take my fake little gun to my head and pull the fake little trigger sometimes?  Yes.

Does this mean I love them any less?  No.

I just needed a little bit of perspective.

Kerry